Friday, 6 December 2013

I'm back...for now.

Well after a break I am back. 

A lot has been going on in my life since my last post. Most of it is pretty much crappy. I can't actually think of any thing positive that has gone, nothing life changing.

My epilepsy caused me to spiral into a depressive cycle. This was accompanied by psychosis. Thankfully the depression is pretty much in control. The psychosis on the other hand, is far from it. I have this dark figure that follows me that no one else seems to be able to see. He is a nasty horrible man who really does not like me in the slightest.

A good friend of mine told me to embrace the crazy. How do you embrace something so dark that is taking over your life? Something that doesn't want you to exist and something that just wants to fuck with your head constantly? Please tell me if you have any ideas about this one.

This is the first time I have admitted this to the general public, not that there are many readers but I am reaching out for help and advice on how to deal with this. I just want to be able to carry on every day without having to pay any attention to what is being said to me. I am a mental health nurse and I know all the theories and what I am supposed to do - but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

A friend has saved my once - I don't mean in the physical sense, but in the mental state. Her constant bullying and perseverance got me out of the depression, and both me and my wife will never be able to express how thankful we are for this true friendship. But there are some things bullying cannot solve, and the psychosis is one of them.