"Friends are like Stars: you don't always see them but you know they are shinning bright" - Anon

Friends are truly like stars. Especially when you are in a dark place, they lighten the way for you. And sometimes, although you can't always see them, you know they are there.

As you may have guessed I have been having a roller coaster time at the moment. Epilepsy is playing silly beggars and a lot of changes have happened in my life all at once, and it is starting to become a little too much for one to deal with. Thankfully I have some amazing people in my life to help me deal with these times. Whether it is my partner who is up in the early hours, reassuring me that everything is going to be okay after a seizure; or my friends back up north who I rarely see, but either come to visit or have long conversations on the phone; or an amazing person who has recently walked into my life and stands outside in the piss pouring rain smoking a ciggie with me in the darkest hours of the night. Friends new and old have been by my side recently, and for this I am so blessed. Without them I dread to think where I would be.

Some days, for me at the moment, I feel like this:

Other days, I can feel like this:

Today, it was a day that mostly consisted of this:

I spend a lot of my time at the moment sleeping due to medication changes and seizures tiring me out. Some would say that is a good thing, and are envious of being able to sleep for long periods. However, I am envious of them. They can go to work with out issue, they can drive, they can have a shower without someone having to be around, along with many other things. As I have said in a previous entry, I know there are people far worse off then I am at the moment, and will always be far worse off then me, and I am truly blessed to have a roof over my head, amazing people etc. But I just want to reach that light at the end of the tunnel....and thankfully I have awesome people around that are helping me get there, whether they know it or not :)

Peace out!

A beautiful song...

This guy is the reason I love Ukulele so much. Israel 'Izzy' Kamakawiwo'ole. The most beautiful version of 'Some where over the rainbow' is by far the best I have ever heard. Next to a picture of this great man should be a link to a soundcloud version of the mix of both somewhere over the rainbow and what a wonderful world. Two songs that just work so perfectly together. A match made in Hawaiian and Uke heaven. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

https://soundcloud.com/user617795/14-somewhere-over-the-rainbow-what-a-wonderful-world-wav

Whilst on the topic, here is a picture of my Uke....just if you were interested:

Peace out.

"I can't help it, it is an involuntary twinkle..."

It has been one of those days. My friend departed after her stay. Seeing her cheered me up so much, it was very sad to see her go. We barely see each other these days, namely because of the distance. Sad affair.

Any way, as I said, one of those days; by that I mean an absent filled day which has left me with trying to piece the missing parts of my day Mrs who has taken the best of care of me. Oh and the cat, who at the moment is curled up on my feet not letting me get into my duvet! Epilepsy sucks. Big time! I have never let it get to me before, but for some reason, this time, it has. Maybe it is because I have so much to lose if things do not get better.

I have been doing some research and it is comforting to hear so many people who have adapted their lives around their seizures, and yes it brings hope. But at the moment it is hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel which I so desperately want to get to the end of; and soon for that matter. I know it seems pretty dark, but off loading on here seems to help, even though I know 'here' is seldom visited. It is times like these that opens your eyes to those who you can really call friends. I have some amazing people around me at the moment; some of which have only just recently come into my life, and this I am so thankful. But this period in my life has opened my eyes to many things; things which I still need to sort out. So much to do...so little...confidence to fight things head on.

I feel this sums things up for me at the moment:

[image by Pedro Bottero : pedrobottero.blogspot.com]

Anyway, I need to wrap this up as my laptop is about to either give up or burst into flames as the fan is blowing hot air out rather then cool air in.

Peace out!

It's a new dawn...

It's a new day... 

I went into the city today and absenced a few times. It's weird when that happens. Especially when you're in the middle of a conversation in the middle of a shop. Or walking in the middle of the road.... Or stood trying to pick a sandwich in Marks and Sparks. More embarrassing then anything. At least I didn't bust my moves this time. That would have been too much. 

Anyway, I was re-introduced to the Walking Dead today as well....I can see why I stopped watching it. Too grim and gruesome for my liking. I tried. Les Mis' was more up my street, accompanied by some great people and play dough. Just what I needed after a few days of seizures and generally feeling sorry for myself. Although light at the end of the tunnel...no tonic's for a few days so silver lining right? 

Anyway. 

Peace out for now. 

Poem - Cranky Old Man

I have seen this poem floating around the internet, and it makes me think so many times about the people I come into contact with. I hope it opens your eyes the way it did mine. It was found after an Australian gentleman passed away in a nursing home, it was found in the few possessions he had. I present to you, "Cranky Old Man".

Cranky Old Man “See Me”

What do you see, nurses, what do you see,
what are you thinking when you’re looking at me?
A cranky old man, not very wise,
uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes.

Who dribbles his food and makes no reply
when you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try!”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
and forever is losing a sock or shoe.

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will
with bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
as I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young boy of sixteen, with wings on his feet,
dreaming that soon now a lover he’ll meet.
A groom soon at twenty – my heart gives a leap,
remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own
who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A man of thirty, my young now grown fast,
bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty my young sons have grown and are gone,
but my woman’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty once more babies play round my knee,
again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my wife is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
and I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old man and nature is cruel;
’tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
there is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young boy still dwells,
and now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
and I’m loving and living life over again.

I think of the years – all too few, gone too fast
and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
not a cranky old man; look closer – see ME

Out of Idea's for witty "hello, I'm back" titles

Helloooooo World!

I figured 'welcome back' was over used on this blog (namely because I am normally too busy to keep up-to-date with it).

I have promised myself that I am going to stick at it this time. Honest. I need to. I have to. I want to. I forgot how much I enjoy blogs, and too often they are over looked by the likes of Facetweet and Twitbook. (See what I did there?)

Anywho, this year loads of stuff has gone on, too much to list. The main two are starting a new job (which I can't talk about as my previous blog got pulled down because of the nature of my work); the other being my epilepsy kicking back in. Having gone a very long time with out a seizure they have decided to return in full force. 

If anyone reading this (well if anyone who actually reads this full stop) who has any helpful advice please send it my way in regards to epilepsy. And before you say "look for online forums" - I have, and they have been of some use. But they are also very moderated. So any advice is welcomed.

Miserable bit over. I'm still engaged. Bonus. The plan is to get hitched (well civilly partnered - yes, news flash, lesbian!) later this year. Nice private little do between me, the mrs-to-be, then maybe, at a later date a party to celebrate...who knew these things were so expensive!

Any way, not much else to say today. I promise I will be back, well at least try to any way.

Peace out!

Hello Blog World

Well hello there!

Long time no speak! I am terrible at this whole blog thing. Each year (round about this time) I sit and think "Oh bugger, I have done it again, I have spent the year neglecting my blog". This is then closely followed by a random babbling blog entry that has little interest to many, and makes little sense to most. Such is life.

As I sit here watching Pirates of the Caribbean (I could not tell you which one though.) in a bid to get me ready for night shifts, I ponder over my achievements, if any, that I have accomplished in the past year. I have lost a considerable amount of weight, thanks to my lovely dedicated house mate who has stuck to slimming world like a fly sticks to a lump of turd. I would say I have quit smoking but we all know that wouldn't happen. I haven't won the lottery either, something which I constantly convince myself that I will win on a weekly basis.

I have made it to the final year of Uni though. One small blessing. It has taken me long enough to get here, what with all the stuff that goes on. I can proudly say that the better half has also now completed Uni and got a very very respectful 2:1 in Politics. Am proud as punch if I may say so myself :)

Unlike my other past posts at this time of year, there is no snow outside, however we do have the Christmas Decorations up and I have already received my first Christmas Card. Sent from an 'Uncle' that I have very little to do with these days but a letter once or twice a year filled with pointless updates of grades and plans for the future, with a bit of reminiscence added in for good measure. That by the by, I am sat here waiting for it to snow, as are the rest of us here in cold England.

Watch this Space.... (for the dreaded white stuff!)

Peace Out