Wednesday, 16 April 2014

What can I say?...

What can I say? Not a lot really, or can I? Who knows these days.

I know subjectively that things in my life are looking up: my epilepsy medication is working, I am currently trying to get discharged from my MH team, my relationship with my wife is as strong as ever.

So I ask you, why do I still feel empty, like something is missing. I don't feel like things are improving at all. For example I am back where I was this time last year, signed off from work (granted this time due to concussion rather than seizures) again. I feel hollow and feel like I have nothing in my immediate future to look forward to. Can any one (if any one) suggest any ideas to fix this for me please, I am desperate.

Recently I have also become obsessed with body image. I have noticed more than ever that there is pressure on women to be this skinny 'perfect' specimen rather than a healthy person with curves in all the right places. Why should skinny mean beauty. One of the most beautiful women I look to is the famous Dawn French. She isn't skinny at all. But there is a beauty in her face and most importantly her personality. Personality is far over looked these days. A warm and caring person, with a keen ear and a great mind means more than a skinny shallow wanna be celebrity who can only think of themselves (note: Made in Chelsea and TOWIE fuel this comment). I realise that this shows my insecurity of my own body, which I do not deny very much exists.  I am comfortable knowing I am insecure about my body, and I acknowledge that something needs to change to over come this, but at this moment in time I have no energy to do such thing, so it is just one more factor in the whir wind of nothing that is going on in my ever expanding craziness.

Ramble ramble, blah blah blah, white noise.

Peace out.